THIS IS WHY OUR COUNTRY IS IN TROUBLE!

A D.C. airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country is in trouble!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.  (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Cape Town.  I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts’’.
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape Town is in Africa ''
His response -- click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did.  I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando.
He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.  I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!’’  (Oh My)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada?''
I said, ‘‘No.''
She said, ''But they look so close on the map’’.  (Oh My, again!)

5. n aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas.  I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas.
When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time".

6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week.  She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones.  Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom"
I said, 'No, why do you ask?'
He replied "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight.  I think that's very rude!''
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it.  (I was dying laughing).  I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii.
After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from AL who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D) called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida.  Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane.
She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. Mary Landrieu (D) La. Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China.
After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa.  'Oh, no I don't.  I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa.  When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York”
I was at a loss for words.  Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''
'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino, NY anywhere”.
'The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly!  Everyone knows where it is.  Check your map!''
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo, do you?"
The reply, ''Whatever, I knew it was a big animal.''

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!
Could anyone be this DUMB?
YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED.

double post

Why Teachers DRINK!

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds).

Q. Name the four seasons
A.. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q. How is dew formed
A.. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A.. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A.. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)

Q... What happens to your body as you age
A.. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A.. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A.. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A... When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A.. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)
A.. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominalcavity.The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U (?)

Q. What is the fibula?
A.. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A.. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A.. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A.. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A.. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A.. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A.. Something an Arab or Shriek wears on his head.
Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head. (now we're getting somewhere)

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History
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was
to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great,that they declared a National Day of Mourning.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year onMay 5th and is known, of course, as -Sinko De Mayo.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads..."