The company executives of Budweiser (Anheuser-Busch), Heineken and Guiness were sitting in a bar. The waitress comes to take the order.

The Anheuser-Busch guy: "Budweiser", please.

The Heineken boss: "Heineken for me."

The Guiness manager: "Lemonade"

The other two guys are irritated and ask: Why did you order lemonade and not Guiness...?"

He answers: "I thought if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither should I."

Quoting ya_shin:

Quote:
The company executives of Budweiser (Anheuser-Busch), Heinicken and Guiness were sitting in a bar. The waitress comes to take the order.

The Anheuser-Busch guy: "Budweiser", please.

The Heinicken boss: "Heinicken for me."

The Guiness manager: "Lemonade"

The other two guys are irritated and ask: Why did you order lemonade and not Guiness...?"

He answers: "I thought if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither should I."

I resent that remark ... it is Heineken

Quoting JP_S:

Quote:
I resent that remark ... it is Heineken

I apologize and corrected my post

I know you were joking and so am I; I still corrected the post, though.

A blonde is driving down the interstate when unexpectedly she gets a flat tire.  Carefully, she eases to the shoulder of the road and steps out of her car heading to the trunk.  She opens the trunk and pulls out 2 cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of her car facing traffic.  The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to the approaching drivers. 

Not surprisingly, traffic became snarled and backed up.  It wasn't long before a police officer arrives on the scene.  Clearly enraged, he approaches the blonde yelling "What is going on here?"

"My car broke down officer." she says calmly.

"Well what the heck are these obscene cardboard pictures doing out on the road?" the officer asks the woman.

Confused by the officers question the blonde responds "Hellooo.......Those are my Emergency Flashers!"

The Little Red Hen (Modern Version)

Once upon a time, on a farm in Indiana, there was
a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard
until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat.

She called all of her neighbors together and said,
"If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to
eat. Who will help me plant it?"

"Not I," said the cow.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Not I," said the pig.
"Not I," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red
hen. And so she did. The wheat grew very tall
and ripened into golden grain.

"Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.

"Not I," said the duck.
"Out of my classification," said the pig.
"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.
"I 'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red
hen, and so she did.

At last it came time to bake the bread. "Who will
help me bake the bread?" asked the little red hen.
"That would be overtime for me," said the cow.
"I'd lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.
"I'm a dropout and never learned how," said the pig.
"If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination,"
said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red
hen. She baked five loaves and held them up for
all of her neighbors to see. They wanted some
and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little
red hen said, "No, I shall eat all five loaves."

"Excess profits!" cried the cow.
"Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck.
"I demand equal rights!" yelled the goose.
The pig just grunted in disdain.
And they all painted "Unfair!!" picket signs and
marched around and around the little red hen,
shouting obscenities.

Then a government agent came, he said to the
little red hen, "You must not be so greedy."
"But I earned the bread," said the little red hen.
"Exactly," said the agent. "That is what makes
our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone
in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But
under our modern government regulations, the
productive workers must divide the fruits of their
labor with those who are lazy and idle."

And they all lived happily ever after, including
the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, "I am
grateful, for now I truly understand."

But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her.
She never again baked bread because she
joined the "party" and got her bread free. And
all the Democrats smiled. 'Fairness' had been
established. Individual initiative had died, but
nobody noticed; perhaps no one cared .... as long
as there was free bread that "the rich" were
paying for.

Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his
memoirs. Hillary got $8 million for hers.
That's $20 million for memories from two people,
who for eight years, repeatedly testified, under
oath, that they couldn't remember anything.


IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY, OR WHAT?

Quoting Srehtims:

Quote:
I LOVE IT - Don't mess with old people!!

This video is great! http://birdloversonly.blogspot.com/2007/10/snowball-dancing-cockatoo.html

Five germans in an Audi Quattro arrives at the italian border.
The italian border guard stops them and says: "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in af Quattro"
"Vot do you mean et'z illegal?" asks the german driver of the car.
"Quattro meansa four" the guard replies.
"Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile" says the german, not understanding anything.
"Look at ze papers: zis car is disignt to kerry 5 persons".
"You can'ta pulla thata one on me" The italian says. "Quattro meanse four. You have five a people ina your car and you are therforea breaking the low".
The german driver looses patience: "You idiot! Call your zupervisor over, I vant to speak to somevone viz more intelligence."
"Sorry" the italian says. "He can'ta come. He'sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno!"