Funny Quotes for the Ladies

Sunday, September 21, 2008 7:05 AM | Jokes Women Humor

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened. ~Cora Harvey Armstrong~

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. ~Helen Hayes (at 73)~

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. ~Janette Barber~

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. ~Lily Tomlin~

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. ~Carrie Snow~

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. ~Laurie Kuslansky~

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. ~Erma Bombeck~

Old age ain't no place for sissies. ~Bette Davis~

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. ~Rhonda Hansome~

The phrase "working mother" is redundant. ~Jane Sellman~

Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. ~Jennifer Unlimited~

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. ~Charlotte Whitton~

Thirty~five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. ~Caryn Leschen~

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. ~Jennifer Unlimited~

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. ~Catherine~

When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow! ~Kathy Buckley~

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb .. and I'm also not blonde. ~Dolly Parton~

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. ~Sue Grafton~

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. ~Roseanne Barr~

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. ~Elayne Boosler~

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. ~Maryon Pearson~

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man~ if you want anything done, ask a woman. ~Margaret Thatcher~

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career... ~Gloria Steinem~

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor~

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. ~Eleanor Roosevelt~

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut the b*tch up with cookies.  ~unknown~